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| i dont wanna gooooooooooooooooo | | |
| this journey i'm about to start...
seems like a long & winding road. but it's a good step... a healthy step. diligence, perseverance and faithfulness. yes.
people-relationships are so hard. everybody thinks so differently... i wish it was a lot easier than it sometimes is...
today i learned from a wise young fellow that we should never take things for granted.
it's an inactive adage in my mind that always needs a reminder... and when those times come, i recognize the dominion 'self-entitlement' has easily taken over my heart/mind. what He has already given becomes my blindspot as what-is-not becomes the road ahead. and this road...is an unhealthy & dangerously addictive road. it's filled with jealousy.. bitterness.. self-loathing...and everything that debilitates my already feeble, sinful heart/mind.
i always think that the grass on my side is never green! but today, i realized that my side, as it always has been, is so very beautifully green. i need to be more grateful & thankful for what has been and what is and what will be.
다 내려놓음니다. guide me Lord.
thank you thank you thank YOU. :] | | |
| if you:
have an MSW or LCSW
can speak one of the API languages
are looking for a cool job, please let me know!!!
thanks!
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| where is my orange scarffffff?????????????? | | |
| does anybody xanga anymore? is xanga outdated? am i outdated?? dont answer that.
the past two days have been hellish for me.
my throat felt like it was on fire, my room seemed to be constantly spinning, and i was amazed at how much phlegm my body was able to produce.. last night i kept praying that id be able to sleep throughout the night w/o waking up... thank God for answering :)
i'm also thankful that my mom's here, making me rice porridges and getting me medicine.
yesterday she called me into her room, brought doritos and two hot lemon ginger teas, and turned on a korean comedy show saying "here, sit and eat", so that i could forget about how much pain i was in... although she ate all of the doritos and drank both of the hot teas (hehe. i lie. just hers, as she kept telling me to one-shot mine), it was more healing just to hear her laugh. she definitely enjoyed the comedy show (& the doritos) more than i did.
...i love hearing my mom laugh.
when things are really funny, she cries too, which is the best because anything i say after that point is an easy laugh from her. she makes you feel like the funniest person in the world, which is probably one of the reasons why my dad married her. according to everyone who knew my dad, he was pretty hilarious. i remember a distant relative telling me a story about my dad. while telling the story, he was laughing super loud, clapping really hard and flipping over in his seat all while talking about an incident that wasn't even that funny to me... five minutes into the story, i tuned him out and started wondering if he knew his comb-over was breaking apart...
anyways, so after 10 minutes of having a blast at the party-of-one, he concluded his story with "and that is why you should look for a man like your dad..." not really knowing what to say, i said "yea, I'll try my best...", to which he laughed even louder, clapped (i swear, til his palms bled), and slapped me really hard on my back, saying "She's really funny!!! You're really funny too!!"
....
either my dad was really funny, or he married into a family of easy-laughers, who can't really re-deliver the funniness. i would say the latter because that's exactly my mom. when my mom tells me something "funny", 9 out of the 10 times, it usually isn't that funny. in fact, she re-tells the same "funny" story every two days, until i beat her to the punchline...and whenever that happens, she always looks confused and says "who... someone already told you the story?" hahaha...but when's she's in her element, as in 1 out of the 10 times, she's frackin hilarious.
if you're just skimming, i'm basically rambling about something that's about nothing.
i lost my voice.
i'm so impatient, in general.
when i'm hungry, i'd rather eat the $3 tv dinner rather than wait for a 30min home cooked meal. if i remember to do something, i'd rather finish what i've started in one sitting, instead of trying to take small steps towards finishing it. that's why i hate starting new things because i end up stressing myself out. i need to learn to pace myself.
even when it comes to getting to know people, i love getting to know people that i want to get to know, but i want to know everything about them fast. i always feel like i'm gonna "lose" them, i'll never see them again, and everything will just be temporary.
which is also why i sometimes feel like people get bored of me easily. i show too much of myself in one sitting.
i def. have adjustment issues i've never resolved from childhood.
this blog went from talking about something funny to something semi-serious.
dr. ahn, expect a call from me soon. ...altho we chat every day.
bally's, expect a visit from me mon-fri. i promise to you.
and
today, expect the best of me.
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